Colours

I've learned one thing this year, I think. I've discovered the one thing that's always there for me, the one thing that I love that will never leave me, my actual passion, my real life. And it's colour.

I've never known so absolutely that my life would be absolutely worthless without something, as much as I've know about colour. It can make me feel, make me taste, make me hear, make me see things that I didn't know existed.

It changes with me, it feels the same way I do. It is limitless in it's beauty. Nobody and nothing has ever made me feel as alive, or made life seem so worth living the way that colour has.

I can wield it the way a soldier wields a gun, the way a preacher wields a book, and at the same time the way a child wields a toy.

More than food, more than water, more than air I need it. It's better than religion, better than art, even when it's a part of it. Colour, to me, is better than sex.

I can control it, and it can control me. Our relationship is so wonderfully balanced, and even now, I know that it's all around me, even as I shut out the lights and lie down to sleep, I know it's right there behind my eyelids.

My biggest fear is that one day I'll wake up, and I won't be able to see it anymore, that it'll go away. But even then I know I could still feel it, I know I could still use it and it could still use me.

I love colour, and at the risk of sounding insane, I think I would die without it.

I guess that's why art will always have me, looks like it's time to abandon my dreams of being a neuro-surgeon.