Long time.

She kissed me on the couch, in the dark
we were quiet, and me moved independant and together
our bodies new, and still beautiful
I grabbed her hand by the construction puddles
and I held her in close to me
and we knew we'd always be together
I lay in her family's garage
my hand empty this time
my eyes full, I saw colour now
Took her back, in weakness
I never stopped loving her, even then
Laying now on the floor of a room that used to be an office
I thought about how we lied to each other for so long
and I laughed a little, through the tears
Took control, met a girl, beautiful - though conflicted
faith and truth are easily confused
and what we could see and hear and taste and feel wasn't
written in any books
at least not by any old gods
I knew her, she knew me too
and the good parts kept repeating
we meet in the living room, the office, the stairwell
the couch. We saw each other in the same room I had met her.
We lay in the cold damp room off to the side
and laughter and suspicion greet us that morning
I love her, she loves me, but neither of us are finished
back into the oven I suppose.
She needs more abuse, I need more clairty
and even more abuse.
we aren't complete, never will be
but I'll be damned if we won't try.
Time's never right, not when you love
and it'll never be right as long as you still can
Figure that out-and maybe I'll give up
or maybe I'll fix me.
My heart is too easy to take
and I've let it get away 6 times.
It never comes back in one piece.
Time, blood and control are what shapes my life.
Time gives me my start
Love is an act of blood, and as long as it courses through
me, I'll give into it, and I'll move faster for it, break
more bones and give up more of my body for it, to feed it.
And when it's time to stop, whether time has run out yet or
not, when I've nothing left to give, nothing left to get and
nothing needing, I'll have control. It won't be fate or
providence that pulls the trigger. It will be my trembling
hands, and you can take solace in the knowing that I'll have
a smile on my tired old face. A real smile. I'll be saving
one for whenever that is.