Night

Night sucks. A lot.

I never noticed before, I guess since I pretty much lived at night. I was so much that stereotype of a geek who lived in his room up late at night playing video games and surfing the internet and shit. Before that I would lay in bed real late with my headphones on, clasping them to my head to keep out the sounds of my mom and step dad screaming at each other. So I started listening to louder, busier music, stuff that could help me go to sleep. That's what night was. It was being connected to the people I loved, it was heavy metal, it was sleeping with someone next to me, with my arms around someone.

Now night is a cold and lonely mattress suspended over a colder and harder floor. It's never finding music heavy or loud enough to put me to sleep. It's never being more tired than I am anxious or sad or angry or resentful.

Now, night is falling asleep with the television on because it feels more like there's somebody there.