The cookies of doom : chapter one "Where did I put my umbrella?"

As the clock strikes noon, and the alarm on Mitch Stichers clock racio toaster goes off, a startled man, about 4 feet tall, pudgy and unshaven awakes from his slumber. "Who the hell are you?" said Mitch as he came out of his bathroom. The pudgy man takes off down the hall in a feeble attempt to escape from Mitch, the attempt was not so much "feeble" as it was "uneccessary" because Mitch couldn't be bothered to chase after him and find out why there was a strange fat man sleeping in his bed.

Ignoring any urges he had to find out how he had managed to share a twin sized bed with a short fat guy without being disturbed in the night, Mitch heads back into the bathroom to continue his daily routine. All across the bathroom, several dozen radios, all tuned into different frequencies are monitoring various peoples conversations. Instead of a mirror, Mitch has a broken mirror, it is broken because he is too lazy to get it fixed. He looks in this mirror as he tries to fix his hair, which could never be fixed, because he never combed it. Today was no exception. He walked out of his bathroom and down the hall headed towards his kitchen, in one of the conversations that had made it through the pit of meaningless noisy frequencies that is his bathroom, he could hear people talking about donuts, so he decided he would eat donuts for breakfast.

Opening his cupboard, Mitch realizes he has not had a job for several weeks now, and so he had nothing to eat except for baking soda and half a bottle of tabasco sauce. So, hoping to god that the man in his bed didn't have anything to do with his current financial situation, Mitch pours himself a big bowl of baking soda, and tops it with his tobasco sauce. He sits down at his table and stares at the bowl, he takes his spoon, worn down from ours of bending it contantly, and scoops up some of the mess. Noticing that it tasted strangely bland, he decided it needed a kick. So he took a bottle of Windex and sprayed it over the bowl. Then, he took another bite.

He woke up several hours later on his kitchen floor. Rethinking his choice of nutritions, he notices a dollar under his fridge, and decides to go buy something for breakfast.

As Mitch walked down the street near his apartment building, he noticed a new store had opened up. "Captain Delectibles more than satisfactory cookies and cookie like objects". He heads in to buy a cookie, possibly of the chocolate chip persuasion. He begins to rethink his decision, as he is the only one in the store on a busy street, but, he had already made the effort of opening the door so it would have to do. "Hello! and welcome to the kookie cookie!" shouted the strange man at the register. Mitch thought for a minute, hey wait, aren't you called "Captain craptaculars crappy something or other"? "Yeah, that changes every few minutes" once again, shouted the cashier. "Well, I guess I'll take a chocolate chip cookie" Mitch said, and the cashier reached under the table and pulled out a chocolate chip cookie. "How much?" asked Mitch. "Two dollars" said the cashier. "well, Im kinda low, think you can put me on a tab or something? see, Im a freelance conspiracy consultant, and lately business has been slow". And just like that, the store vanished, Mitch was left standing in an empty lot where a building had stood just seconds ago. "A simple no would have sufficed!" shouted Mitch. And then he noticed that the cookie was still in his hands, unlike his pants which he had apparently not been wearing the whole time.